ANACONDA!
Okay, then. You all know my Olivia has a bit of the Bunker in her, yes? So it should come as no surprise to you that she was thrilled to be starting "Anaconda" this week. You knoooow,...Ana-conda. Don't tell me you haven't heard of Anaconda. Thousands of parents all across this great nation are sending their children off to Anaconda this time of year. They memorize scripture, learn to share the Gospel, and earn patches and awards for their hard work. Whaa'sat? It's not Anaconda? Ana-what? Oh. OooOOoh. Maybe you can share that with Olivia then, because she sure does think AWANA is called Anaconda.
Anyway, Anaconda AWANA started tonight. The kids were so excited to go, and Carl and I were excited for 90 minutes to ourselves. Win-win. We decided to eat at Chipotle. Carl was busy giving Brandon his bottle, so he asked if I would get some iced tea refills. No problem. Off I went with cups in hand.
WARNING: YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER.......THE TONI ZONE! (Da-da, da-da. Da-da, da-da).
So I get up to the fill station (drink house, whatever you prefer to call it) and there's this guy, this bitty little man of a guy there, clearly dealing with a bit of O.C.D. as he feverishly cleaned up the tiniest spot of pop he had splashed on the counter during his full up. I watched him with great interest as he used a lone napkin to polish the stainless steel, noting he was just a bit too concerned about the "mess" he had made.
Enter, Toni!
He stepped aside and I stepped forward to add some ice to our cups before refilling. Cup one, full up with iced tea. Cup two, full up as well. But, sheesh, you know how some people just have all the luck? As I set my jug-o-teas aside to get some new lids, POW! I hit cup two with my big paw (stop laughing; of course it spilled all over) and just where did it spill? Well, naturally it flowed directly in bitty man's direction. In all of two seconds, his bowl was floating in a river of Nestea.
Excuse me while I hold back the fit of laughter because folks, you have no idea how clumsy I can be when it comes to spilling food and drink. It's a gift. I grabbed a mile high stack of napkins and tried to sop up the evidence. And the floor quickly became fly paper, sticking other patrons to it like all get out. And I looked like a bit of the Bunker myself (Edith, to be precise) as I tried to wipe up the floor with my stack of napkins. I might add that it's mop time at the ol' Chipotle, and not just because of my iced tea (hey, it feels better if I let the restaurant share the blame for their dirty floor, okay?)
Oh, and I made a big faux paux, too. In my sheer panic (and knowing a lone napkin couldn't even begin to soak the mess *I* had made), I did the worst thing a person could possibly do to a bitty man with OCD.
I.
Picked.
Up.
His.
Bowl.
GASP!!!
Yes, folks. In my flustered state, I put my paws on his um, "sterile" bowl of food (and I know it was sterile because, after all, those workers wear latex gloves for food prep.) And he tried to smile and make nice (while his face told me he clearly cursed the day I was born). But as we left, he and his significant other gave me "the look." You know, down the nose with upper lip curled like they smelled a bad wind or something.
Meanwhile, back at AWANA, Cierah carried six coins around the entire time. They were her weekly dues and she didn't realize there was a place to deposit them so she just clutched them in her grubby little hand the entire time. And Reece cried because he didn't get candy in his class. I'm sure glad he was focused on what counts (can't you hear the lecture now? "Son, we're not here for the sugar.")
And while this has nothing to do with our evening, I want to share one funny from our first homeschool week. Olivia and I were discussing the history of maps and map making. I shared that the Polynesians made primitive maps of reeds and shells.
I then stated that the Chinese painted maps on silk cloth. Liv, having apparently seen one too many reports about Mattel, quickly responded in frustration, "Yeah, and I'm sure it was lead paint too."
Toni
11 comments:
too funny...lead paint...
And I feel you on the spilling thing...if it's not the kids...it's me at a restaurant.
Toni, I think I would give a year's salary to spend a week following you around. Life is grand!
Dan
Me and walking with any spillable food item is why I've never once considered working in a restaurant.
Oh the lead paint comment cracked me up!! I love a sarcastic child!! Seriously, I do. I'm not being sarcastic. :) That is totally my sense of humor and so I can relate.
The spilling thing?? Been there. Don't you love the eyes of every person there watching you clean it up? Awesome.
Hilarious! I would give anything to see you grab the bowl and the look on his face!
I always can count on you putting a smile on my face with your posts! :)
Too funny about the lead paint comment.
That is so funny. The whole thing, beginning to end. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.
Oh mercy, the anaconda and the lead paint were oh so cute!!!
OK, I had this long, lovely, eloquent comment all typed up. I mean, it was a thing of beauty. But then. The stupid dial up internet kicked me off!!! What's a girl to do, except say awesome post, as usual, tell Olivia "Anaconda, I don't want 'cha!" A favorite chant from grade school, and oh, so true. And that Cierah clutching all her coins! Precious. As far as Reece and the snack...I've taught Sunday School and VBS to kids his age. They don't retain much. When I ask my kids what they learned in class, they tell me things like "Tiffany's allergic to fish crackers," or "We had vanilla wafers and I got three and Lydia only got two!" (That actually is true for kids much older too!)
Oh, and the Chipotle incident? You're probably so busy worrying about the kids all the time that you have too much time to think about what you're doing when they aren't around! :-) I know that's my problem (at least that's my story and I'm stickin to it!) I'm sure it wasn't fun to the poor OCD guy, but you got a great blog entry out of it...you have a knack for making the ordinary so funny!
LOL that is great stuff! My kids are going to Anaconda tonight, hehe. I may start calling it that just for fun!
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