What makes a "real" mom??? Hmmm.......
Uh oh! I have been "tagged" for the Real Moms meme by the funny and down-to-earth De over at Just Another Day In Paradise.
(meme: a pre-set group of questions or an open ended sentence you answer about yourself on your blog. You may simply leave it at that, or you may "tag" someone else). If you're reading this now, consider yourself tagged.
So, without further ado, here's my answer. Real Moms love outside the box.
We've all heard the expression, "Think outside the box." And some of us have heard the lyrics to that old Wayne Watson song which state in part, God aint gonna stay in that little box I put Him in.
And real moms? They definitely love outside the box. I can't unanimously define what this means for every mom. But I can tell you what it means for me as an adoptive mother of (almost) four children.
For me, it meant submitting to God's plan for our family, even though it was very different than the plan I dreamed about and assumed would unfold. I always wanted (at least) four kids. And I assumed I would get married and "have" them. And now I do have them. Only, I didn't haaaave them. Rather, we adopted them through foster care. As we adoptive moms say, they were born not under my heart but in it. What a privilege it has been.
My journey to parenthood was traveled for many "miles" in painful silence. And it was during that time that God the Father was stirring my heart to love outside the box. To lay down my dreams to catch His vision instead. To grow me by asking me daily, "Am I enough?" before eventually revealing what He had in store for us regarding a family. He desired that we love outside the box. To adopt. And we have been e-n-o-r-m-o-u-s-l-y blessed for doing so.
I want to take this one step further to say that birthmothers who make an adoption plan for their children also know how to love outside the box. They are real moms in every sense of the words.
Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) While he was not referring to birthmothers, I can't help but think about the parallel. Jesus literally laid down his life for his friends in order that they might have eternal life. And birthmothers courageously lay down every aspect of self (needs, dreams, desires, sense of entitlement, wants) in the the best interest of their child. In the hopes of a better life for their child. How huge is that? A birthmother who chooses to make an adoption plan for her child is a VERY. REAL. MOTHER. Yes, it's a fact. Real moms love outside the box.
10 comments:
Beautifully said. I agree wholeheartily. So funny that your the fix-it type too. I never wait to have someone else fix something. My theory is that I can't break it more so why not try. Go Toni, Go Toni!
Blessings
~De
What a blessing to read this today! I ran a across your blog a few weeks ago and have enjoyed it ever since. I, also, am an adoptive mom of four...blessed beyond reason. I love finding another mom who celebrates birthmothers and you put into words what is often hard to explain to those who have not "been there." Thank you.
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
~Rose
See? This is why I keep coming back! You are awesome and you write beautifully! Great picture!
The Other Toni
I love learning more about U
do their birth mothers stay in touch with them?
what a blessing u r
Toni, that was beautiful! I love the quote about children being born not under your heart but in it. How beautiful is that!?
De, I'm cracking up at your "I can't break it more so why not try" to fix it. Wow, you too? That's exactly how I see it (I shared with De that my second answer for the meme would have been Real moms repair lawn tractors without a manual or a Mr. Fix it. Yes, I did this while dh lived away from us in Chicago.
Thanks for the compliment, Toni. I think you're pretty awesome too (we share that fab name after all).
Jen,
Our son's birthparents are sadly both deceased. He does have contact with his birth sister though (he'll visit with her one week from today in fact). I also found his adult half sister online and she too is open to contact.
Our other three are from the same birth family and we have loose contact with the paternal grandma and great grandma (occasional letter or phone call; an infrequent visit as they are out of state). We have sent photos and letters to the birthparents in the past. They have only contacted us once, but they do prefer their children to be placed in our home. So it's a positive relationship, albeit distant.
Welcome to "new faces" and welcome again to those who have stopped by before.
Blessings,
~Toni~
Toni
Im sori your sons birthparents are deceased. He is blessed to be yours. I am praying that the contact with his birth sisters goes well and is a blessing for you of you, especially todays meeting.
thanks for answering my questions. I have an older sister whom was adopted out 10 years before I was born. We dont get on. She found my mother when I was 17 she only wanted to get to know mum really not my sister and I. Its ok. I am blessed to have my younger sister.
Jen at http://jenz.wordpress.com/
I'm sorry to hear about your older sister only wanting contact with your mother, Jen. The threads of adoption (and the emotions evoked) can be complicated to work through. Maybe she desperately wants that connection with your mom, her birthmother, and yet can't come to terms with why she was placed while you were parented. It's hard to say. I'm glad you have your younger sister too. Maybe someday God will complete a work in your older sister's heart that will make her open that door. And if not, you can still rest in His plan for each of you, even you can't understand it.
Toni, what a beautiful post! As an adoptive mother myself, I couldn't agree with you more! I love what you have to say about birth mother's as well. They deserve all the respect that we can offer them!
Thanks for sharing!
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