OURS???

A little girl of about 5 years old was sitting behind us today as we ate at a local cafe. Kids eat free on Tuesdays, the food is good, the waitress is sweet and it's only five minutes from our kids' swim lessons. No brainer. We head to the Sunshine cafe after swimming is done.

So there we sat, all six of us (well okay, so one was toadying in his carseat for a power nap). While we were eating, we could hear the little girl in the booth behind us.
"Mommy, do some ladies place their babies for adoption? Would you ever do that, Mommy? Don't we know someone who did that, Mommy? Do we know anyone who adopted kids into their family?"

She was genuinely curious about adoption. Carl turned to her and said, "These kids joined our family through adoption." She smiled shyly, whispered something to her mom (perhaps, "Mommy, that man is scary"?), then they turned to admire Brandon and learned a bit more about the special way God formed our family. We enjoyed speaking about it with this other family, who also had four children. As we parted, we agreed that God had richly blessed both our families in accordance with His perfect plan for each. Very positive encounter.

That being said, we aren't too fond of the less tactful questions. For example, a few weeks ago we were eating at McDonalds. The gal who took our order was not a teen, but probably in her late 30's. She admired the baby and asked when I had him. I shared that I did not birth him but rather he was in our care and we hoped to adopt him.

Now, my other three (adopted) children were standing there when this lady suddenly inquired,
"Are any of them yours?"
Ours? How so? As in biologically ours?
Carl and I have fielded unintentionally insensative comments many times in the past. So, how do adoptive parents respond to an innocent question that has been poorly worded and asked in front of the children it addresses?
How else.
We laughed. Not a rude "laugh at you" laugh, but rather a "field another insensative albeit not ill intentioned comment about adoption" laugh.
Which confused her. Naturally.
Which made us giggle just a bit more before responding (so our children could hear it), "They're all adopted and they're all ours."

Can I share something from this adoptive mother's heart with you today? If you have a friend or relative that will be adopting or has adopted, please consider how you will engage in conversation with them. Bless them by using words that honor and acknowledge adoption for the beautiful gift from God that it is.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.


Positive language (Negative language is noted in parentheses)
Just say...
Birthparent (Real parent)
Biological parent (Natural parent)
Birth child (Own child) (highlighted for emphasis)
your child (your adopted child, your own child)
Terminating parental rights (Giving up)
Made an adoption plan (Gave away)
chose to parent (chose to keep)
Waiting child (Adoptable child)
Making contact with (Reunion)
Parent (Adoptive parent)
International adoption (Foreign adoption)
Search (Track down parents)
Child placed for adoption (An unwanted child)
Court termination (Child taken away)
Child with special needs (Handicapped child)
Child from abroad (Foreign child)
Was adopted (Is adopted)

If you don't understand any of the above terms and would like some clarification, do feel free to ask me. I would be happy to explain.

I love that Jesus himself was "adopted" by his earthly father, Joseph. And I can barely wrap my mind around the fact that our most precious blessings were a birthmother and birthfather's deepest loss. I've said it before. Beauty from ashes. Peace from pain.

Galatians 3:26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
John 1:12-13 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.