DOLLAR STORE FOLLIES

Well I'm sure your neck of the woods feels like Hell's kitchen too at the moment. Sheesh, we're in a 90º stretch here. June. Full humidity. Roseanna Roseanna Danna weather, to be certain.

So Sunday after church, we decided to let "the kids" throw water balloons. ;)




(Um, do notice the "big kid" firing water balloons at the littles as if it were fast pitch softball game)

Oh sure, we could have gone to the local pool (and we have incredible parks and pools here in Indy). But they're a zoo on the weekends and by golly, if we're headed to the zoo then we want to see exotic animals (and frankly, Cletus the party animal doing a sunburned cannonball in the kiddie pool after one too many "refreshments" doesn't count as an animal in my book.)

And okay, sure! We might have let the kids use their Slip-n-Slide, but I guess I fear it might serve as some sort of skills training for the future? Naw, not really. Fact is, our backyard grass is, uh, just a lil' bit unhealthy. This may come as a surprise to you (sh'ya, it did to us) but a big ol' bug munchfest at the subsurface just isn't compatible with a healthy lawn. I knooow! We were shocked too.

Enter plan B.

And like a low budget B movie, it just wasn't a top quality production, folks. Because let's be honest here. Any family fun that begins at the Dollar Store is bound to disappoint.
And I knooow you know what I mean.

Crayons that are so waxy, your kids might as well be scribbling with a candlestick.

Rubber dinosaurs that are so hard that their tails can double as a steak knife.

And plastic dollies that are so stiff and unwelcoming that your little princess will be crying, "Momma, we's poor, 'aint we?" in no time flat.

So we whipped out our supply of Dollar Store water balloons.


A hundred of them (Lessee, can be retailed for a penny or less a piece? Yeah, we're talkin' high falutin' fun here, uh hem.) The package came with a little attachment for your faucet which the water balloon could then easily slide over for filling. After 5 minutes in the blazing heat, Carl came into the kitchen.

"This thing doesn't work."
"NoOoo! Seriously? I can't imagine why not."

See, the thing is, these things are made in China. And apparently, faucets in China are the diameter of a drainage ditch. The gadget was too big. So we tried it on the kitchen sink. Carl unscrewed the doo-hickey on the end of the faucet and we tried to screw the balloon attachment on. Nope. Still too big. I turned away for a second. When I turned back, Carl had a balloon slid over the mouth of the faucet and was trying to fill it that way. Only.......I didn't notice.

I didn't notice and I cranked up the water to clean out the mineral deposits from the doo hickey. That balloon flew off the faucet like a bat out of Hell (see, we really are in Hell's kitchen in this story). Wet. All wet and nary a balloon filled or fired at this point.

So after some brainstorming, I came up with a really good tool for filling the balloon. The sprayer we use to put highly toxic anti-fungal lawn chemicals on our damaged lawn. Now stop right there, Greenpeace. A) Our kids aren't going to grow 3 heads because B) we have never used the dang thing ($13 for a 2 quart sprayer and we had yet to use it). But......it had a perfect little nozzle over which we could slide the lip of each balloon for filling. Worked brilliantly!

So we filled a few dozen, placed them in a mini laundry basket and Carl was off to begin the water wars with the kids.

"Gather 'round!"
And 'round they gathered, faces beaming with excitement, bathing suits donned and "sun-scream" (as Reece calls it) all slathered.

Carl sat the basket down on the lawn and,.....
GUNFIRE! Run for cover, kids!!!

Loud grumbles followed.

Then in a most frustrated Pa Bear tone, "Get me another half dozen water balloons. I just lost that many when I sat the basket down. Must be something sharp that they got caught on."

I confirmed his suspicion, saying, "Yep, those baskets are old and cracked with some of the slats broken off. Probably poked the balloons as you sat them down." I quickly filled 6 more with the "toxic-sprayer turned balloon-filler" gadget, then suggested a new game.

"Why don't we make some water balloon piles in different spots across the lawn. Then everyone will have their own stash to retrieve for launching."
"Yeah! Great idea."

Settled on our new plan, I grabbed 3 balloons and proceeded to set them down in the grass.

BAMM! BAMM! BAMM!

You'd have thought I was under live fire. I screamed like the girl that I am, I tell you. And as hard as I screamed, Carl laughed even harder. You see, it seems that the inadvertent popping of the balloons had nothing to do with broken baskets and everything to do with the virtues of a crabgrass lawn. Ohhh, where is that Biltmore grounds crew when I need them? Sigh.

I'm happy to report that we eventually did get our water balloon wars going, though clearly not without our share of B-scale faux pauxs (in true Clampett fashion). Ironically, little Brandon walked around with a single water balloon the entire time, dropping it again and again on our pavered patio without it ever breaking.


If you're thinking of making a trip to the Dollar Store in the near future, please, learn from my experience so you don't fall victim too. I would highly suggest you steer clear of the cheap stuff and go for their quality items.

Toni