Who does he think he is,...ME?

Okay, so I'm basically laughin' myself into a frenzy over here because for once I caught a break. Now y'all know wacky stuff just seems to migrate my way, yes? Well, not this time and I warned him I fully intend to see he has a proper seat on the "wacky days" bandwagon (aka a spotlight on my blog). It went down something like this...

A few days ago, I sent Carl to the grocery store with a shopping list (and I *love* to embed surprises on the list for him to discover while shopping, like UNCLE CLYDE'S AU NATURAL BUNION OINTMENT.) Among other needed items, I had jotted down zucchini. And he had laughed at my specifications too;
"If they're really long, get one long one and one stubby one. If they're all stubby, get 3. If they're medium sized, gauge 'em and surprise me." No wonder the man was confused.

So off he went. And back he came. With his "zucchini." His yellow zucchini. I know. Y'all are preachin' to the choir because yes, okay? Just YES. Yes, I failed to give the requisite "veggie low-down 101" before sending him out for something more "exotic" than broccoli. My bad.

And yes, he came home with these "zucchini."


Alrighty then. That zucchini summer squash dish is gonna be a hit.

After putting groceries away, it was my turn to drool in the yarn aisles at Michael's run a few errands. And that's where Carl's day played out like a day fit for yours truly. And it began with a placed phone call.

He had to call our local child protective services (still working his honey-do list that I feverishly and lovingly penned up for him) to try for the umpteenth time to get them to pick up the ball on continuing the progress of our fourth adoption (sigh; long story short, Ohio has been done with its end for months, while Indiana apparently enjoys a good pace of, oh, say, TURTLE? Yes, turtle pace it is.)
So, ring ring, he calls CPS and immediately realizes the voice on the other end is that of an elderly woman. She began;
"Hello?"

"Uh, hello. Is this Children's Services?"

"Oh my."
(yells in a concerned tone to someone in the background, "It's children services on the line.")

She clearly had trouble hearing, and Carl couldn't hear well either because Brandon was having a lil' hissy on our end. Carl clarified;
"No, I'm sorry. I though you were children's services."

"What? Why is children's services calling me?"

"No, ma'am. I think you've misunderstood. I'm not children's services. I was looking for..."

"What are you looking for?"
(yells in background again, "They're looking for something.")

Carl, realizing she cannot hear well;
"No, ma'am. No, I'm not. Never mind. I'm sorry. Bye."

Now I gotta tell you, this next part would make me think I'd entered the twilight zone. You see, he no sooner hung up his cell phone when,
"DING DONG." The doorbell.

He grabbed the fuse poppin' baby and opened the front door. And just who did he find? A spunky elderly woman with a bit too much blue rinse in her hair. It caught him off guard for just a second.


"She had to be at least 75," he mused as he told me the rest of the story. Per his account, the sweet blue haired lady, upon seeing his face, stared silently and wide eyed at him without saying a word.

Carl, inquiring, "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Why, I don't know. [pause] Who are you?"
(Note: if he were in Toni's world, he would have answered, "Why, Children's Services, of course.) Instead;
"Well, who are you looking for?"
(Checks clipboard and scratches her head a bit)
"I,...I dunno! Who am I looking for?" She searched his face for an answer.
He waited.
She stared.
He waited some more.
She looked at her clipboard.
Then she eyed him again with a confused, inquiring expression.
"Ma'am, is there someone I can help you find?"
"Well, I,...I dunno."

Carl began rattling off the names of neighbors. Now mind you, we've only been here a year and we hardly know everyone in our neighborhood. So he tossed out the few names that came to mind, each one met with the same pondering look, then,
"I dunno. No, I don't think so."

After five more minutes of stares, brainstorming and several more rounds of, "I dunno", he tossed a name out that was met with recognition.
"YES! That's it. Which way do I go to get there?"
"See that house next door? That's as far as you have to go."

Bless her heart. He had said that name initially and she had checked her little clipboard before stating it was not the right name. That's because she was focused on our neighbor's first name (unbeknownst to Carl) and he was tossing out last
names. He sent her on her merry way and then...

RING RING!
He picked up his cell phone, to find my mother on the other end.
"Carl, tell Toni I just came from the grocery store and zucchini is now in season. She might want to whip up a little zucchini bread for you."

We interrupt this story to bring you the following announcement from Toni; BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carry on..

He wasn't falling for it.
"Now, hold up. Very funny. Did Toni just call you and tell you about my botched trip to the grocery store for zucchini?"

LOL! I had not called my mom and told her (though that is a classic Toni move all the way, so I understand his suspicion and thus why I laughed so hard when he told me this part). The fact is, he was simply caught in his own version of Groundhog Day. Ah, sweet turntables! For once, it wasn't me. No, because *I* was too busy drooling over alpaca blends and cotton worsted weights in a smorgasbord of yummy yarn colors at Michaels.

And did I tell you he brought home two cucumbers from work the next day? Hey, at least they were green.

Toni