Need a Lab?

So my parents are coming to town this weekend for my daughter's dance recital. I made a checklist of things that need to get done before their arrival.
The usual list;
-clean out the van
-mop floors
-grocery shop
-wash bed linens
-vaccum the carpets

I thought I'd do the heavy vaccuming today, and then just a light touch up on Friday. I sent the kids up to the playroom so they wouldn't get in my way, then put our dog out in the backyard.

That last action was and is a very necessary prerequisite for vaccuming, as our dog is highly anxious and is terrified of storms and other loud noises (a la vaccum cleaners). Fail to put him out and you're sure to be shampooing the carpet as well. 'Nuff said.

As I finished the family room and headed into the living room, I happened to glance out our front window, only to see a flash of yellow go zipping by.

The dog.
Where is the dog?

Oh, that's right. I put him out back while I'm vaccuming.
All is well with the world.
Passed by the window again and noticed two big cockeyed brown eyes staring through the window at me.

Yes, my dog has brown eyes.

Yes, they're cockeyed.

I opened the front door and called him in.
"Bad! Boy! We do NOT crawl under the fence and escape. And I do NOT have time for these shenanigans. Now back outside and stay put, you hear?"

Tongue hanging out, he glanced sideways at me with his good eye as if to say, "Your point was?" and off he trotted into the backyard. Hmmmmf!

I turned the vaccum back on and again took to the task at hand. A few moments later, over the loud hum of the motor, my oldest daughter loudly exlaimed, "MOM! BRANDON POOPED IN HIS PANTS!"

Okay then, vaccum off.

Brandon, age 3½, has been potty trained for quite some time. And no, he does NOT poop "in his pants" so this was a most unwelcome message to receive in the middle of vaccuming. Off I went to clean him up, ever so slightly frustrated at the interruption (uh hem).

Can I just take this opportunity to point out, it's true what they say. Girls can be filled with drama. My daughter had me thinking I was headed for a major cleanup on aisle 9, but no. Just a little more than a skid mark to contend with. A quick change of underwear and a trip to the potty and I was good to go again.

Vaccum on.

As I rounded through the dining room, I had an unobstructed view of our patio sliding doors, the place where our neurotic, anxiety-ridden dog impatiently waits for someone to let him back in the house. Only............

Where. Is. That. Dog. ???

Vaccum off.

"Chance! CHAAAAAAANCE!!!"

I was screaming like a crazed banschee and looking like a weathered seahag from my on-again, off-again vaccuming experience.

I stomped to one side of the house.
No dog.
I stomped to the other side of the house.
No dog.
I went back inside and opened the front door.
No dog.

At this point, I seriously wondered if it was necessary to look for him where he had meandered off to.

Uh oh!
The POND!

I sprinted through the backyard to the fence line so I could see down the bank to our pond.

Sure enough, there he was.
ALLLLL soaking wet.
Because he had taken a lil' dip in the pond.
But wait, that's not all.
Being a dog and all, he also took a lovely lil' roll (or ten) in the many piles of goose poop that line the pond.

I'nt that special?
Precious, I know.
Did I mention it was 80º and humid?
Yeah, it was definitely adding smoke to my fire.

I stomped into the house, gathered his pinch collar and leash, strapped them to the bird feeder, then sweetly called him back into the yard (again!) I quickly placed him in the collar and fired up the hose because folks, let's just say vaccuming and goose poop are polar opposites. One cleans up messes while the other messes up clean.

That dog SMELLED!

So, I ask you. What lil' romp in goose business wouldn't be complete without a proper bath? Oh, I brought it alright. He most definitely got one. No, not just the initial hosing off I gave him either, but an all-out shampoo and comb out.

And that's one task I myself did not complete today.

Because after all, I wouldn't want my husband to miss out on all the at-home fun.

Anyone want a dog?
He enjoys long walks on the leash, catching frisbees, and an apparent occasional roll in a good poo.
Any takers?

Toni